Without a Plan

As you may have learned by now, I can be a bit obsessively compulsively organized, efficient and planned in my day to day life. I tend to foreshadow more than is appropriate and plan for every good, bad, and life threatening situation. I will have a random brush with spontaneity and plan a last minute vacation, but will only go if I know it is well planned (just done so on short notice).

So when my husband told me that the only thing he wanted for his birthday this year was an unplanned weekend away, I immediately considered the quickest escape and clicked my heels three times, but was still standing there to respond (finally), ‘Sure, honey, if that’s what you want’.

The anxiety began about 10 seconds later and continued until our return from the birthday weekend. Knowing this would make him happy was the only reason it materialized, and this was the greatest gift he will ever receive. David should realize now that his present request this year was a guest wife for a weekend.  And I sure hope he liked it, because it will never happen again.

We decided (we?) to head upstate to wine country in Orange County, NY, but that was the only decision that was made prior to our departure. After work on Friday, which was his actual birthday, we just started driving north. David drove while I Google-d nearby places to stay and restaurants in case of an emergency. We stopped on route to take in the views of the Hudson River from the mountains and watch the sunset. Yes, sunset. And this is when my level of stress increased dramatically.

My husband could not understand why I became a bit frazzled at 9pm as we were just picking the restaurant for dinner and still had nowhere to sleep. The major difference in our levels of concern here are due to the fact that he would be fine with staying at a motel where you have the option of paying by the hour or the night, and I prefer to not have to check for bed bugs or bodily fluids when I arrive. It was taking all of my patience, kindness and good will to remember that it was his actual birthday and I had to be nice ALL DAY. 

During the appetizers, David started chatting up the locals and attempting to make a reservation at nearby Bed & Breakfasts (which, inevitably, were all booked). And then he gave in and let me recommend a Hilton Garden Inn about 15 miles away. We arrived and luckily were able to get a room (just for one night – Saturday there were two weddings and no rooms available).

I should let you know that from the time David proposed his ideal birthday gift to the moment we got in the car, I continued to remind him that I really was not planning anything, as per his request. Apparently he did not believe me, because at this point in the weekend he admitted that he ‘assumed I had a backup plan’. Ugh.

The good news was that he values my insanity when it comes to planning! The bad news was that I really did not have a plan. But you can bet your bottom dollar that the rest of the weekend was being planned in my head as we were having this conversation. 

So the next morning when we woke up, we made reservations for that evening at a Bed & Breakfast and then I became the tour guide of Orange County. We visited Orange County Choppers, toured six different wineries, and did a little shopping and eating along the way. On Sunday we had a lovely drive down the other side of the river, visiting Farmer’s Markets and castles, enjoying each other’s company and the sunshine. Overall, it was a great weekend.

I realized that David made this birthday request because I am generally too focused on the plan. A perfectionist by trade, I have a hard time letting go which can then lead to a hard time enjoying life. My husband is so laid back and lacks any interest in planning, so my behavior has a huge impact on his happiness as well. Not only did he want me to not ‘get crazy’, but he also wanted us to enjoy his birthday in the way that he prefers. We are all a work in progress, and this is definitely something I am working on – I’m just happy to have a partner who understands me and tries to push me at the same time.

But next time, I will definitely have a backup plan. I can always cancel if needed. J

The Honeymooners

honeymoon – word origin and history

1546, hony moone, but probably much older, from honey in reference to the new marriage's sweetness, and moon in reference to how long it would probably last, or from the changing aspect of the moon: no sooner full than it begins to wane. 

One thing you’ll learn about my husband is that he is pretty agreeable.  He will smile and nod much of the time and he has tremendous patience (clearly, he married me).  His strong opinions are few and far between, so when present I try to oblige. During wedding planning he requested ownership of the rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon. My inability to let go of anything made it slightly challenging, but both of these were all him.  

The honeymoon was supposed to be a surprise, but one day I received an email confirming our honeymoon registry. I could have ignored this email and not clicked on the link to see where we were going, but that wasn't going to happen. Turns out he picked Antigua! We were booked for a Sandals vacation in Antigua!  Perfect for both of us – he would be able to sip fruity cocktails and lay on the beach, and I would be able to explore a new country. Plus, the resort was adults only and all inclusive. Perfect.

Our second flight to Antigua from Miami was filled with newlyweds. The number of recently married couples aboard that plane was ridiculous. It felt like I had entered the twilight zone of French manicures, bejeweled bridal tank tops, fake tans and personalized canvas bags. My fear that our honeymoon would be a grown up version of high school was coming true! Would I have to try to be friends with this people? I heard stories of people meeting new best friends on a honeymoon and I really didn’t want to talk to anyone. Would they be staying at our resort? Would that girl with the annoying ‘bun’ on top of her head continue making the face that everything in the world disgusts her? Would we be the oldest newlyweds there? All of my 15-year old insecurities showed up to the party and the answer to all of these questions was a solid YES.

The buses to the resort were filled with the same newlyweds and they were in the spa, at the pools and in the restaurants. The tramp stamps and giant diamonds outnumbered the fish in the ocean and I do believe many of them were asked for their ID at the bar. But as always, we found people to connect with – the older couples celebrating anniversaries, the staff members coordinating the contests (one of which we won!), and the couples who actually continued eating food during their engagement. 

We learned a lot about each other and ourselves on our honeymoon. My husband learned that on vacation I enjoy waking up at sunrise. I learned that he did not. He learned that after a day trip filled with rum punch I turned into ‘college Reesa’. I learned that I am too old to drink rum punch all day.  He learned to snorkel. I learned how to play chess. We both learned that at the end of a couples’ massage they clasp your hands together and it is not the masseuse awkwardly hand holding. We learned that going to the gym while eating and drinking non stop will not make a difference in potential weight gain. And we learned that Antiguan hot sauce burns.

All in all, we had an amazing trip – the food, entertainment, activities and drinks were fantastic. We were able to go on a few excursions to see the country, and spent plenty of time reading and relaxing by the pool. It was great fun! The sweetness in our marriage was at an all time high and the moon had yet to wane (except for that incident during the kayak trip)…we were indeed honeymooners.