Another Year, Another Bride

Several months into our marriage, the post nuptial depression began to subside, and I became increasingly interested in future weddings. No longer sad about the fact that my ‘big day’ had passed, I was eager to be a guest and celebrate other’s love and joy. For several months, there was no wedding activity – none of our friends or family got engaged and there were no weddings. But now, we are in the midst of a little wedding frenzy, and I could not be happier!

Our dear friends will be getting married next month, and we have been lucky enough to participate in many of the pre-wedding activities. The bridal shower was a Mad Hatter Tea Party – there was tea and crumpets, hats and dancing (including New Kids on the Block, which I LOVE), and it was really a nice day. This was the first bridal event that I had attended since being married and I am definitely seeing these events through new lenses.

Prior to getting engaged, I really despised bridal showers. Perhaps it was the fact that there were way too many women in one room talking about wedding ‘stuff’, or that I had to sit and watch one of my girlfriends open a million gifts which were really upgrades of items they already owned. The bridal shower tradition began when couples were getting married and moving out of their parent’s house simultaneously, so it made sense for them to register for everything needed to set up a home. But now, most people are getting married after having lived alone and usually with their partner and seem to be registering to obtain better stuff. As a single lady, I would always attend and give a generous gift, but with a slightly bitter sentiment (i.e. ‘It’s not like I’m ever getting married, when will I get paid back for this?’).

My view as a married lady is a bit different. Yes, people are still registering for upgrades, but usually because they want a fresh start in their lives together. My husband and I registered, but tried to keep it to what we really needed (with the exception of David’s obsession with small kitchen tools – pickle pickers, etc.). Both of us had mostly ‘hand me downs’ in our respective homes, so it was a nice way for us to start our life together. I still think that couples can go overboard and spin into the crafty cycle of ridiculousness gift giving, but it is also a longstanding tradition. A bridal shower is a time to enjoy each other, catch up with friends and family, and share in the time of pre-wedding excitement with the bride. I also notice now that it is a way for women to get out of the house and away from their husbands and children for a few hours.

The bride’s bachelorette party was amazing! Her friends coordinated an eventful night which brought me back to my college days. I was worried that after getting married I would turn into one of those women who was no longer into going out (which I see all too often post marriage), but my excitement was bigger than it had been in my single days.

As a single woman, I loved going to bachelorette parties because I was usually one of the only single women. There was at least one less single woman to compete with when it came to attracting men and the men would come running once they saw a group of women having a good time (one of which was wearing a tiara, sash and drinking out of an inappropriate straw). My excitement came from not knowing what the night would bring – maybe I would meet someone, have some drinks, give out some digits and get a free dinner later that week.

Being married, I learned that I just love a girl’s night out. I do! There is nothing like dressing up and spending an evening with a fun group of ladies, talking about everything from pop culture to relationships to other women while enjoying some cocktails and dancing on stages. And of course there’s the sleepover, where we spend the next morning eating leftovers, taking some Advil and regaling in stories from the previous night. As we get older, we just don’t do this enough. This party reminded me that there is nothing like time spent with girlfriends. Your girlfriends are the ones that were there prior to your husband and will be there through thick and thin, supporting you in your marriage. They deserve quality time and attention as well.

Immediately after getting married, I thought the world should stop. It was similar to my thoughts after a loved one dies – I wondered how people continue on with their day to day lives as though nothing had happened. As a newlywed, I felt that everyone should reminisce about my fabulous wedding for some time and I was very concerned that moving forward people would forget that my husband and I were important (going back to my theory on 'the big day'). We were blessed to have a wonderful wedding and we are now blessed to have a strong marriage, which means we can really celebrate our friends and family as they embark on their journey. Wishing all the very best to our friends today, tomorrow and always!

Ring His Neck

My husband always forgets to wear his wedding ring. Yesterday, I came home and it was hanging on our fruit stand (which is where we both hang our rings if we are doing the dishes – the good news is he was doing the dishes), and I decided that I would play a trick on him. I have now hidden his ring and will wait and see how long he takes to tell me it is missing.

Let me back track for a minute, though.

The wedding band symbolizes the eternity of our commitment and love, and shows the world that we are married. Yes, this is important, but this is not what frustrates me about David not wearing his ring. What bothers me is the history regarding this man and rings. When we first became engaged, my husband was jealous of my ring and wanted one of his own (yes, he has these girl-like qualities, and I still love him). One day, we were at an Oktoberfest celebration and after consuming some exceptional beer, I went shopping at the vendor stands and purchased him an engagement ring. He wore it religiously. And I didn’t mind most of the time, but occasionally I would be embarrassed by this ridiculous behavior. But he was happy, and that was all that mattered.

Then we went shopping for wedding rings. I found mine at the second store we visited, and he took six months to find his. It had to be perfect – he wanted a specific metal, style, fit, and he must have tried on over 100 rings before he found ‘the one’.  And I went along for the very frustrating ride, but again, he was happy, and that was all that mattered.

We got married and I thought the ring drama would end. But sadly, a month into our marriage, we went out to celebrate my Mom’s birthday and David was not wearing his ring. He told us that he ‘must have forgotten it’. So I took action – I wrote the word ‘taken’ on his left ring finger. I did not want there to be any confusion when the inappropriately dressed women at the casino checked him out while he played the Star Trek slot machine. When we got home the next day, my husband admitted that he did not know where the ring was. After searching for some time, he found it in a pile of laundry, but it had been missing for several days. He was wearing his engagement ring instead (I had not noticed), but he never told me! Obviously I was more upset about the fact that he did not tell me it was missing, than the fact that he lost it.

There have been a few ‘I forgot it at home’ incidents since, and again, my concern is not with my husband actually wearing his wedding ring. I am very aware of the fact that we are married and committed and in love, and certainly don’t need a piece of jewelry to confirm that. However, I will continue to make fun of him for harassing me to buy him a ring, for being so picky, and for always ‘forgetting’ something that was SO important to him. I’ll let you know when he ‘finds’ his ring now…

To My Wife!

Our wedding was on a Saturday afternoon at 3:00pm and by 4:15pm David was using the W word (wife, that is). We were having a champagne toast outside of the church when he exclaimed, "To my wife!" and everyone cheered. I was alarmed. How was he so ready to use this word? Was this a lifelong dream of his? I was certainly not ready to drop the H bomb (husband, that is). In a matter of three years, I had gone from single to girlfriend to fiance to wife! This happened very quickly, especially after 30 years of mostly single.

On our honeymoon I used the H word when asking others to cheer for him at karaoke, but more in a 'test it out' way. And I definitely prefer husband to fiance, which I found terribly pretentious and tried to avoid at all costs. But using this word on a regular basis was a little scary. It makes me wonder how we have arrived at all of these relationship titles.

According to Dictionary.com, here's how it all boils down:

sin·gle 

[sing-guhl] adjective, verb, -gled, -gling, noun

only one in number; one only; unique; sole: a single example.

of, pertaining to, or suitable for one person only: a single room.

solitary or sole; lone: He was the single survivor.

unmarried: a single man.

pertaining to the unmarried state: the single life.

girl·friend 

[gurl-frend] noun

a frequent or favorite female companion;sweetheart.

a female friend.

fi·an·cée 

[fee-ahn-sey, fee-ahn-sey] noun

a woman engaged to be married.

wife 

[wahyf] noun, plural wives[wahyvz] verb, wifed, wif·ing

a woman joined in marriage to a man; a womanconsidered in relation to her husband; spouse.

a woman ( archaic  or dial.,  except in idioms): oldwives' tale.

I'm not sure Dictionary.com met me, however.  This is how I boil it down:

SINGLE [SIN...gul] noun, verb, adjective, adverb

Poor decisions, good times, college, practice made perfect in bad dating, parties, boys, free dinners, long walks home (alone), the recipient of advice from everyone in a relationship, Ben & Jerry's by the pint, comfortable, sweatpants, studio apartment, self love.

GIRLFRIEND [Really? Do people use this title after 30?] noun, adjective

Taken, by choice. Texting, phone calls, free dinners, discussions of the future, meeting family and friends, +1 for weddings, fun, long walks, holding hands, vacations, testing the waters, sleepovers, pictures, falling for someone other than self.

FIANCEE [FEE..on..say] noun, verb, adjective, adverb

Diamonds, saving money, spending money, wedding planning, trying to avoid becoming a bridezilla so he'll actually marry me, pre-cana, moving in, sharing - a lot, family, friends, celebrations, showers, bachelorette party (attempting to revert to parts of SINGLE), conflict, arguments, love, adoration, trust, commitment, excitement.

WIFE [WIFE] noun, adjective

Permanent, exciting, honeymoon, love, joy, not sure what else yet, but will keep you updated!

Regardless of the title, I am still me. And blessed to be with a wonderful he. I think I can used to this 'wife' thing.

The BIG Day

Before I met my husband, I was not that interested in getting married and I wasn't sure it would ever happen. I had a wonderful life. Living in the city, being a social butterfly, enjoying the singles scene – I had finally become comfortable with myself to a point where I didn’t need anyone. So when friends would refer to their weddings as ‘the big day’ I would argue that I had plenty of those that were just as important. Running a marathon, buying a home, traveling the world, witnessing births and deaths – these were all BIG days. Who decided that a wedding was any more significant than these life events?

Then came my big days of falling in love, become engaged, planning a wedding, enjoying a bridal shower and bachelorette, attending pre-cana. I began to understood. This was a really big day. This day took a full year to plan, a full salary to pay for, religious preparation, conflicts with family and friends, and in just a matter of hours we were committed to each other for life. Aside from my realization of this as an important day, society informed me this was the biggest day ever! Wedding websites spammed my email, bridal shows sent me invitations, random people congratulated me when they saw my ring, and the cost of every vendor increased by 20% when we mentioned the word 'wedding'. 

Throughout the process, it was important to me to remember that it was just one day. Just 24 hours, compared to the lifetime commitment ahead. Not more important than the birth of our first child or the death of a parent. Certainly not comparable to anyone else's big days. I decided to ignore those who told me this was the most important day of my life. Big days are definitely in the eye of the beholder. Our wedding was one of the biggest days in my life and it was a fabulous day. But there will be others (for us and for the people in our lives) and I look forward to celebrating those as well.