Another Year, Another Bride

Several months into our marriage, the post nuptial depression began to subside, and I became increasingly interested in future weddings. No longer sad about the fact that my ‘big day’ had passed, I was eager to be a guest and celebrate other’s love and joy. For several months, there was no wedding activity – none of our friends or family got engaged and there were no weddings. But now, we are in the midst of a little wedding frenzy, and I could not be happier!

Our dear friends will be getting married next month, and we have been lucky enough to participate in many of the pre-wedding activities. The bridal shower was a Mad Hatter Tea Party – there was tea and crumpets, hats and dancing (including New Kids on the Block, which I LOVE), and it was really a nice day. This was the first bridal event that I had attended since being married and I am definitely seeing these events through new lenses.

Prior to getting engaged, I really despised bridal showers. Perhaps it was the fact that there were way too many women in one room talking about wedding ‘stuff’, or that I had to sit and watch one of my girlfriends open a million gifts which were really upgrades of items they already owned. The bridal shower tradition began when couples were getting married and moving out of their parent’s house simultaneously, so it made sense for them to register for everything needed to set up a home. But now, most people are getting married after having lived alone and usually with their partner and seem to be registering to obtain better stuff. As a single lady, I would always attend and give a generous gift, but with a slightly bitter sentiment (i.e. ‘It’s not like I’m ever getting married, when will I get paid back for this?’).

My view as a married lady is a bit different. Yes, people are still registering for upgrades, but usually because they want a fresh start in their lives together. My husband and I registered, but tried to keep it to what we really needed (with the exception of David’s obsession with small kitchen tools – pickle pickers, etc.). Both of us had mostly ‘hand me downs’ in our respective homes, so it was a nice way for us to start our life together. I still think that couples can go overboard and spin into the crafty cycle of ridiculousness gift giving, but it is also a longstanding tradition. A bridal shower is a time to enjoy each other, catch up with friends and family, and share in the time of pre-wedding excitement with the bride. I also notice now that it is a way for women to get out of the house and away from their husbands and children for a few hours.

The bride’s bachelorette party was amazing! Her friends coordinated an eventful night which brought me back to my college days. I was worried that after getting married I would turn into one of those women who was no longer into going out (which I see all too often post marriage), but my excitement was bigger than it had been in my single days.

As a single woman, I loved going to bachelorette parties because I was usually one of the only single women. There was at least one less single woman to compete with when it came to attracting men and the men would come running once they saw a group of women having a good time (one of which was wearing a tiara, sash and drinking out of an inappropriate straw). My excitement came from not knowing what the night would bring – maybe I would meet someone, have some drinks, give out some digits and get a free dinner later that week.

Being married, I learned that I just love a girl’s night out. I do! There is nothing like dressing up and spending an evening with a fun group of ladies, talking about everything from pop culture to relationships to other women while enjoying some cocktails and dancing on stages. And of course there’s the sleepover, where we spend the next morning eating leftovers, taking some Advil and regaling in stories from the previous night. As we get older, we just don’t do this enough. This party reminded me that there is nothing like time spent with girlfriends. Your girlfriends are the ones that were there prior to your husband and will be there through thick and thin, supporting you in your marriage. They deserve quality time and attention as well.

Immediately after getting married, I thought the world should stop. It was similar to my thoughts after a loved one dies – I wondered how people continue on with their day to day lives as though nothing had happened. As a newlywed, I felt that everyone should reminisce about my fabulous wedding for some time and I was very concerned that moving forward people would forget that my husband and I were important (going back to my theory on 'the big day'). We were blessed to have a wonderful wedding and we are now blessed to have a strong marriage, which means we can really celebrate our friends and family as they embark on their journey. Wishing all the very best to our friends today, tomorrow and always!

Without a Plan

As you may have learned by now, I can be a bit obsessively compulsively organized, efficient and planned in my day to day life. I tend to foreshadow more than is appropriate and plan for every good, bad, and life threatening situation. I will have a random brush with spontaneity and plan a last minute vacation, but will only go if I know it is well planned (just done so on short notice).

So when my husband told me that the only thing he wanted for his birthday this year was an unplanned weekend away, I immediately considered the quickest escape and clicked my heels three times, but was still standing there to respond (finally), ‘Sure, honey, if that’s what you want’.

The anxiety began about 10 seconds later and continued until our return from the birthday weekend. Knowing this would make him happy was the only reason it materialized, and this was the greatest gift he will ever receive. David should realize now that his present request this year was a guest wife for a weekend.  And I sure hope he liked it, because it will never happen again.

We decided (we?) to head upstate to wine country in Orange County, NY, but that was the only decision that was made prior to our departure. After work on Friday, which was his actual birthday, we just started driving north. David drove while I Google-d nearby places to stay and restaurants in case of an emergency. We stopped on route to take in the views of the Hudson River from the mountains and watch the sunset. Yes, sunset. And this is when my level of stress increased dramatically.

My husband could not understand why I became a bit frazzled at 9pm as we were just picking the restaurant for dinner and still had nowhere to sleep. The major difference in our levels of concern here are due to the fact that he would be fine with staying at a motel where you have the option of paying by the hour or the night, and I prefer to not have to check for bed bugs or bodily fluids when I arrive. It was taking all of my patience, kindness and good will to remember that it was his actual birthday and I had to be nice ALL DAY. 

During the appetizers, David started chatting up the locals and attempting to make a reservation at nearby Bed & Breakfasts (which, inevitably, were all booked). And then he gave in and let me recommend a Hilton Garden Inn about 15 miles away. We arrived and luckily were able to get a room (just for one night – Saturday there were two weddings and no rooms available).

I should let you know that from the time David proposed his ideal birthday gift to the moment we got in the car, I continued to remind him that I really was not planning anything, as per his request. Apparently he did not believe me, because at this point in the weekend he admitted that he ‘assumed I had a backup plan’. Ugh.

The good news was that he values my insanity when it comes to planning! The bad news was that I really did not have a plan. But you can bet your bottom dollar that the rest of the weekend was being planned in my head as we were having this conversation. 

So the next morning when we woke up, we made reservations for that evening at a Bed & Breakfast and then I became the tour guide of Orange County. We visited Orange County Choppers, toured six different wineries, and did a little shopping and eating along the way. On Sunday we had a lovely drive down the other side of the river, visiting Farmer’s Markets and castles, enjoying each other’s company and the sunshine. Overall, it was a great weekend.

I realized that David made this birthday request because I am generally too focused on the plan. A perfectionist by trade, I have a hard time letting go which can then lead to a hard time enjoying life. My husband is so laid back and lacks any interest in planning, so my behavior has a huge impact on his happiness as well. Not only did he want me to not ‘get crazy’, but he also wanted us to enjoy his birthday in the way that he prefers. We are all a work in progress, and this is definitely something I am working on – I’m just happy to have a partner who understands me and tries to push me at the same time.

But next time, I will definitely have a backup plan. I can always cancel if needed. J