Without a Plan

As you may have learned by now, I can be a bit obsessively compulsively organized, efficient and planned in my day to day life. I tend to foreshadow more than is appropriate and plan for every good, bad, and life threatening situation. I will have a random brush with spontaneity and plan a last minute vacation, but will only go if I know it is well planned (just done so on short notice).

So when my husband told me that the only thing he wanted for his birthday this year was an unplanned weekend away, I immediately considered the quickest escape and clicked my heels three times, but was still standing there to respond (finally), ‘Sure, honey, if that’s what you want’.

The anxiety began about 10 seconds later and continued until our return from the birthday weekend. Knowing this would make him happy was the only reason it materialized, and this was the greatest gift he will ever receive. David should realize now that his present request this year was a guest wife for a weekend.  And I sure hope he liked it, because it will never happen again.

We decided (we?) to head upstate to wine country in Orange County, NY, but that was the only decision that was made prior to our departure. After work on Friday, which was his actual birthday, we just started driving north. David drove while I Google-d nearby places to stay and restaurants in case of an emergency. We stopped on route to take in the views of the Hudson River from the mountains and watch the sunset. Yes, sunset. And this is when my level of stress increased dramatically.

My husband could not understand why I became a bit frazzled at 9pm as we were just picking the restaurant for dinner and still had nowhere to sleep. The major difference in our levels of concern here are due to the fact that he would be fine with staying at a motel where you have the option of paying by the hour or the night, and I prefer to not have to check for bed bugs or bodily fluids when I arrive. It was taking all of my patience, kindness and good will to remember that it was his actual birthday and I had to be nice ALL DAY. 

During the appetizers, David started chatting up the locals and attempting to make a reservation at nearby Bed & Breakfasts (which, inevitably, were all booked). And then he gave in and let me recommend a Hilton Garden Inn about 15 miles away. We arrived and luckily were able to get a room (just for one night – Saturday there were two weddings and no rooms available).

I should let you know that from the time David proposed his ideal birthday gift to the moment we got in the car, I continued to remind him that I really was not planning anything, as per his request. Apparently he did not believe me, because at this point in the weekend he admitted that he ‘assumed I had a backup plan’. Ugh.

The good news was that he values my insanity when it comes to planning! The bad news was that I really did not have a plan. But you can bet your bottom dollar that the rest of the weekend was being planned in my head as we were having this conversation. 

So the next morning when we woke up, we made reservations for that evening at a Bed & Breakfast and then I became the tour guide of Orange County. We visited Orange County Choppers, toured six different wineries, and did a little shopping and eating along the way. On Sunday we had a lovely drive down the other side of the river, visiting Farmer’s Markets and castles, enjoying each other’s company and the sunshine. Overall, it was a great weekend.

I realized that David made this birthday request because I am generally too focused on the plan. A perfectionist by trade, I have a hard time letting go which can then lead to a hard time enjoying life. My husband is so laid back and lacks any interest in planning, so my behavior has a huge impact on his happiness as well. Not only did he want me to not ‘get crazy’, but he also wanted us to enjoy his birthday in the way that he prefers. We are all a work in progress, and this is definitely something I am working on – I’m just happy to have a partner who understands me and tries to push me at the same time.

But next time, I will definitely have a backup plan. I can always cancel if needed. J