When we first started dating, David and I had very separate lives. I was living in the city, he was living in the suburbs. I was training for a marathon, he was working overtime on a political campaign. I was partying it up with my friends, he was partying it up with his friends. And when convenient (usually on Tuesdays and Saturdays) we would spend time together. Sometimes we would go to each others' friends birthday parties or events, which was nice, but we only really did so if the scheduling happened to work. It was fun! And to me, the perfect relationship. We liked spending time together, but were happy to continue to live our own lives.
Then one day, we realized that we preferred to spend time together. We met each others' families and started spending full weekends together (plus an evening or two during the week). We worked harder to coordinate our schedules and attended most parties together. And eventually, I gave in and moved to the 'burbs so we could be together (and because I wanted to own property - don't think it was all him :)). Next thing you know we were engaged and living together, spending every minute together. Slowly but surely, we became more of a unit than individuals, and my battle to maintain my independence continued. I do what I want! Okay, not really anymore without understanding it might affect someone else, but sometimes I try to...
As soon as the wedding was over, I felt such a sense of relief to have my life back. In the first month, I was able to spend more time with friends than I did in the whole year prior and it felt great! Every other night I was out and about, catching up with people, doing the activities I had done before the wedding planning madness began. I really felt like I had it all - great friends, social time out and about, and a loving partner to meet up with at home. (I still do feel this way, but have toned it down a bit, realizing I am old and tired.) It seemed like we were back at the more independent stage of our relationship, but it was fine because we live together so see each other every day. Balance? Not sure. We are clearly a work in progress.
When we got back from Nashville, I asked my husband where we were going for President's Day, since it was the next long weekend (and, as you know, he has limited vacation time). He broke the news to me that he did not want to go anywhere. Turns out, my hubby really wanted some down time, since we have been running around since November. About a week later, I accepted a promotion at work and found out I would be starting at the end of February. This month would be the last time I could take a vacation for some time, since I would be learning a new job. So I spoke with David to make sure he did not mind (NOT to ask permission), and booked myself a trip to Prague! Woo hoo!
Yes, alone. Just me. In Prague. I love to travel alone! It makes me feel adventurous and excited, young and free, independent and vulnerable. The sights, sounds and smells of a new country are my favorite things. And I certainly do not mind navigating through it by myself - at times, I prefer it. When you travel alone, you do not have to please anyone. I can spend 15 minutes in a museum if I find it boring or hours in a cafe because I am enjoying watching the people. It is a wonderful time to get to know myself, stretch my boundaries, and see the world.
I started to mention to people that I was going away, and most assumed I would be traveling with David. Which was fine. But when I clarified that it was just me, I received reactions that were more extreme than I thought appropriate. "Is David okay with this?" "WHY?" "Is there something wrong?" "Oh my gosh, be careful. I don't like this." Yes, he's fine. Because I want to. No, nothing is wrong. Of course I will be careful. The reactions were so strong that I stopped mentioning it to people and even asked my husband not to tell his parents. They are slightly more traditional than mine, and I knew they would be worried the whole time I was away. Interestingly, the people that I met on the trip did not find it strange (another benefit of travel - it makes people a bit more open minded). They let me know how wonderful it was, told me it was a great thing to do, and congratulated me on being newly married (and, as it always happens lately, told me how wonderful and sacred marriage is - people really do still believe in marriage, which makes me the happiest).
Traveling alone after being married for three months may seem strange to some, but not to me! And my husband did not find it strange, but was a little worried.
This was the first time I had traveled abroad alone since right after we started dating seriously, just over three years ago. I had gone on weekend getaways with girlfriends or to visit with family, but never out of the country exploring alone. I was SO excited. And the trip was great! But by day three, I realized how much I missed my husband. Everything I saw and heard I wanted to share with him. I wanted to lay next to him when I fell asleep and I wanted to hold his hand walking down the romantic streets of Prague. Had I lost my sense of adventure? Was I becoming a boring married lady? I freaked out a little, drank some more Pilsner, and continued my journey.
I have since had time to reflect, and realized that if given the choice, I would prefer to travel with my husband. In fact, I would prefer to do most things with him. Every adventure is more fun, food tastes better, stars look brighter, and the world seems nicer when he is a part of it (and yes, this is my cheesy part of today's blog). I love to share things with him and create memories with him, and traveling is one of the greatest ways for that to happen. I have not lost any of my 'self', but rather gained a partner, a true companion. And for the first time in my life, I am actually comfortable with that.
I love it!
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