The Attitude of Gratitude

My husband and I are currently feuding over thank you notes. Okay, feuding is a bit dramatic, but we are at a standstill. We were married almost six months ago, and if it were up to me, the thank you notes would have been sent out within six weeks. While I have heard rumors of etiquette stating we have one year to send them, the thought makes me shudder. The only reason we delayed was because we wanted to use a professional photograph and did not want the notes to get lost in the holiday mail. Most of them went out in the 3-4 month range. Most of them. 

Since I felt that I did more work on the wedding planning then David, I decided I would not be writing the thank you notes for his ‘side’. But knowing how my husband likes to procrastinate, I wrote the notes for both of our immediate families and the bridal party. His are still pending. And the frustrating part is that I have tried everything to get him to do them! I have begged, pleaded, attempted manipulation, bargained, and attempted bribery. Nothing is working. My husband is terribly stubborn – the more I request it be done, the less likely it is to happen. 

And the worst part? He has done some of them. There are only 9 notes left to mail, 7 of which are already written. Several friends and family members have received them, and a few have not. And for some strange reason, my husband does not see the problem with this. I am becoming more embarrassed by the day and just hope we do not run into the 9 people anytime in the near future.

In general, I am a huge proponent of the thank you note. They are personal, meaningful and always appropriate. I am also a big fan of sending them out in a timely manner, as they do lose value. Unfortunately, I have been to weddings, showers, and other events without receiving a thank you note, and am still shocked every time (and yes, I keep a running list – rest assured, I will not be at your next function!). 

But more important than the note is the fact that someone is thankful. The attitude of gratitude is not present enough in today’s society. And generally not present enough in relationships. Couples become too comfortable and sincerely forget to be grateful for their partner. David is always telling me that I am too critical and that I do not recognize all of the ‘good stuff’ he does. We disagree on this, because while he thinks I am ungrateful, it is hard for me to understand why I should thank him for doing things we both do, or for doing things that are his responsibility. And I do thank him for the big stuff. My response to his frustration is usually asking if he would like a gold star, which is my passive aggressive, ugly way of daring him to request validation. But really, why should I have to thank my husband for doing half of the household chores? I’m doing the other half and not receiving a thank you!

I suppose it would be better to suck it up and say those two simple words a bit more often. At the end of the day, we all just want appreciation and recognition for doing good things and being good people. Perhaps if I show more gratitude, it will be paid forward, and I will receive some as well. Appreciation karma, here goes…

David, I am grateful to you for making me laugh, wiping my tears and being present for every emotion in between. Thank you for all that you do to make our house a home and our marriage a partnership. I appreciate your patience, kindness and respect for all people, and I am grateful to have you as a role model in the ‘let’s be kind to others’ department. Thank you for supporting me in all my endeavors and always celebrating my success. I am grateful for your unconditional love, bear hugs and million kisses. Thank you for being you and for choosing me.

Now, go write those thank you notes.