Socially Networked

We keep hearing statistics about Facebook material being used as evidence in divorce cases.  The numbers change every time I hear something, but the end result is the same, and it makes me think about the impact of social networking on marriage.

Could social networking ruin a relationship? No. People ruin relationships. But could it have an impact on a relationship? Absolutely! And not always a positive one.

My husband asked me out on our first date via Facebook. Yes, this really happened. We had gone out on a double date, I gave him my number, and, as is now an appropriate next step, we ‘friended’ each other on this social networking site. I did not receive a phone call or text, but about a week later, a private message asking me out on a date. Who does that?! Apparently more people than I knew at the time (and I imagine many more than I know of now). I responded to him with a quick witted note about how I wouldn’t be going out with someone because they Facebook-ed me, but when he decided to pick up a phone, then perhaps we could have dinner. Clearly, he got the hint.

Social networking has continued to play a part in our relationship. When we decided to date exclusively, my husband changed his relationship status, while I decided to wait. I did not want to respond to my family and friends when receiving the inevitable ‘good for you!’ messages and posts, as though dating someone is an accomplishment. When David proposed, we called all of our close friends and family but had to ask them not to post it publicly because we wanted to make sure that our aunts received a personal phone call before seeing cousins write congratulatory notes. And then we posted our relationship status update at the same time, so neither of our sets of 'friends' felt excluded or had to hear the news from anyone else. Finally, on our wedding day, before we even left the church, there was a photo posted of us kissing for the first time.

Now don’t get me wrong – I love social networking. My ability to keep up with long lost friends and distant family makes me very happy. And I love following celebrities to learn about their ‘real life’. I feel connected without having to do much work – it’s a very easy, passive way of maintaining certain relationships and building others. But it can cause issues as well. I have had conflicts with real friends (people I spend time with on a regular basis) based on what either of us post about our activity, and I have become frustrated with family who post pictures or updates instead of calling to let me know when something happened. At times, I have become inappropriately jealous of other people’s lives, even though I am completely happy with mine. The impact of social networking is greater than we know, and apparently beginning to have a serious impact on marriage.

Twitter has given me the opportunity to follow celebrities and politicians, as well as keep up with the news without having to read a paper. At times, I will write to one of the Real Housewives and let her know what a tool she is being on the show, or re-tweet some of Tracy Morgan’s ridiculous jokes. And when the person follows me or writes me back? Best. Day. Ever. My husband has a particular concern about my adoration of Cory Booker. I find him to be smart and funny - he is one of my favorite people to follow. And he has responded to me on an occasion or two, which makes my stomach jump a little from excitement. There is no danger in my mini-crush, as I am madly in love with David and not moving to Newark anytime soon (plus, I don’t think Cory is interested), but it makes me wonder about people who may not be happy in their marriage. Instead of working on their relationship, it may be easier to use social networking as a way out. People reconnect with high school sweethearts, ex-lovers and former flames, and if you’re not secure in yourself and your relationship, it can provide some dangerous ground.

Obviously there is a much bigger discussion to have on society and values and where we are headed, but for now, I appreciate when my husband writes sweet love notes on my Facebook wall and that I am able to keep in touch with my cousin Brian, while following Cory Booker and learning about the latest news updates from CNN. Socially networked, I am.