Jealous Pie (with a side of whipped cream)

In every relationship, there comes a time where a partner becomes jealous.  There may be jealousy over time, priorities, or (the worst kind) other people.  Jealousy usually stems from our own insecurities, but can snowball into a serious relationship defect.  This subject came to mind because of an incident that occurred recently (funny story pending, keep reading).

Everyone at some point says, “I’m not usually a jealous person, but…”, and these words have definitely come out of my mouth. Yes, I can be jealous, but more of the issue is that I have to always win. I am a winner. When Charlie Sheen went crazy a few months ago and the term ‘winning’ became popular, I was all too familiar. I hate losing and I am very competitive, which is a terrible trait that I have been ‘working on’ for about 10 years. When it comes to my husband, my need to win has at times been a part of our relationship. I have felt the need to win his attention, time, affection and love, which (luckily) he has given me in abundance. But when I feel all of that may be threatened, my insecurities arise and the jealousy takes over.

Jealousy is the devil on your left shoulder, whispering terrible, unreasonable thoughts in your ear that can drive you insane - “she’s so much prettier” “he seems so distant” “working this late, really?” “why are his friends more important than you?”. Meanwhile, the real world is on your right shoulder, passing by as you obsess over ridiculous thoughts.  At times, jealousy can be an indicator of inappropriate behavior and instincts can be accurate. But in most cases it is more of your own issue than that of the other person.

With the holiday season in full effect, I had the opportunity to attend my husband’s work party and interact with his colleagues. There is a woman he works with who I had met previously and was not a fan. She presents herself as meek and helpless, and has the ability to integrate flirty behavior into every interaction. And knowing David, who is a sucker for those Sarah McLachlan puppy commercials, I know that he might pity the fool in this case. At the party, this woman was wearing a dress that was not really work appropriate, and was able to refer to both her lips and her cleavage in the brief conversation the three of us shared. My husband did not notice, which he never, ever does. But I did. 

Women know women. We have each other’s number, we know each other’s game. I do not think that this woman has considerable interest in my husband, but rather a great interest in being the center of attention. 

Fast forward a week and David mentions that he received a Christmas gift from said woman (Sluts McGee, I like to call her ). I asked what it was and he claimed not to know, so I opened it. It was alcohol infused whipped cream called "Cream".

Let’s discuss. 

David clearly knew that I would be affected by this gift so pretended not to know what it was (probably a good idea on his part) and I think he also realized at this point that I might know her better than he does.

What to do with such a gift?! I had several thank you notes written: “Dear Sluts, Thank you so much for the whipped cream. As newlyweds, we sure appreciated it last night.” “Dear Ms. McGee, You’re gift was terribly inappropriate and we do not feel comfortable keeping it. Thank you for the thought and happy holidays.” “Dear Sluts, Keep your small boobs and your short dress away from my husband!” “Dear Ms. McGee, Thank you for the gift. I am sorry that you are lonely this holiday season.”

None were sent of course, and the bottle sits in our refrigerator today. It has become an important conversation piece in our home – I feel comfortable talking to David when the jealousy spiral begins and he has opened his eyes to the possibility of there being ‘not so nice’ people in the world. He also feels comfortable telling me that I have nothing to worry about (i.e. ‘you’re insane!’) and I am working on decreasing my need to win. Communication is the key and I hope that by keeping that door open we will be prepared to face the more serious concerns of the future. But for now, we are going to enjoy some alcohol infused whipped cream with our eggnog.  Ho ho ho!